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A Bland and Deadly Courtesy
 
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Friday, March 17th, 2006

Time Event
12:42a
Recipe needed
Yesterday, my personal assistant came back from shopping and said, "Do you like pig eatin's?"

Several things flashed through my mind. "Pig eatin's?" I thought. "Is that like a regional term for a pig roast? If so, yes, certainly. Or is it a term for the slops you feed pigs? In that case, probably not. Why have I never heard this term before? Could it be something entirely new?"

Aloud, I said, "Do I like what?"

"Fig newtons," she repeated.

"Oh," I said. "No, I do not care for fig newtons."

"Good," she said. "I almost bought some, but thought I remembered you didn't like them."

"I thought you said pig eatin's."

"You thought I said what?"

"I thought you asked if I liked pig eatin's."

"What are pig eatin's?"

I stared at her. "You've never heard of pig eatin's? You're kidding! One of the great Southern delicacies. You really are a Yank."

"So are you! You're from Minnesota!"

"Never said I wasn't. But pig eatin's. Yum. Now, some people use too much hickory. Ruins it entirely. But really *good* pig eatin's takes--"

"You're making this up!"

"Well, no, you sort of made it up. Anyway, yeah, to do pig eatin's right takes three or four days. You can't rush good pig eatin's...."

"Stop it."

"I should take you out for pig eatin's, but you know, they don't make them right around here. In fact, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that nowhere in Nevada can you find really *good* pig eatin's on the menu."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Not before I taste pig eatin's one more time..."

Well, so, if anyone knows any good recipes for pig eatin's, please pass them on.

Working for me is not easy.

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